Stress Management: The Power of Expectancy


On a beautiful summer day years ago, I went water skiing with some new friends. I hadn't skied in a while, and as I floated in the water with long pieces of wood strapped to my feet, here's what I remember thinking:

"I wonder if I remember how to do this." "Will I be able to get up?" "How soon will I crash?"

The rope tightened and I got up like I'd been doing this for years, began to ski and sure enough, the next thing I knew - crash - face full of lake.

Here comes the point of the story - As I floated in the water, waiting for the boat and the rope to come back around, I realized that the only reason I had crashed was because I had expected to crash.

The Power of Expectancy

The power of expectancy shapes our lives. I've found that most of us have either a negative expectancy (things won't work out) or a positive expectancy (things usually work out). There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

Expectancy controls what we focus on, and what we focus on usually comes about.

Eeyore Expectancy

I call people that always focus on the negative "Eeyores." For those of you who do not have kids or don't remember the story, Eeyore is a donkey in the Winnie the Pooh story that mopes around, head hung to the ground, moaning and groaning about life.

The Language

"It's just too good to be true"

"I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop" There are times when we are so sure that the other shoe is going to drop that we throw it down ourselves.

"If something bad can happen, it will, and it will happen to me."

The Outcome

The outcome of "eeyore expectancy" is usually fairly lousy. Even if good stuff does happen, it's easy to miss with your eyes dragging the ground. You get what you focus on.

Positive Expectancy

Here's what positive expectancy is not:

burying your head in the sand and saying "everything will be all right."

a glorified form of denial

a new term for "positive thinking"

I don't believe in "positive thinking", at least not in the way it's commonly portrayed. Example: while it's pouring rain, walking through the rain saying "It's not raining, it's not raining, it's not raining," will get you soaked!

Positive expectancy IS an attitude. It's an attitude that goes something like, "whatever happens, not only will we figure out a way to handle it, we'll also find a way to make it work for us."

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

MORE RESOURCES:
RELATED ARTICLES
Stress Management: The Power of a Day
I learned a valuable lesson recently. A short while ago, my mentor coach made this powerful request of me.
Do You Have Your Foot On The Pedal? Are You Overwhelmed At Work?
Is your in-tray or inbox full? I don't normally check the time that emails are sent to me, but for some reason I noticed that Nadia's message had been sent at 2am. In her email she explained that she really needed some help, to deal with all the stress in her life:This morning I rushed out of the house before the kids got up.
Stress Management and Mastery: The Power of REST
Rest.It's a good thing to do.
The Benefits of Eating from a Jar of Honey
June is the month of the honey moon. Custom holds that this is the best time to harvest honey from the hives.
Are You Taking Notice? What Are Your Warning Signs Stress Is Building Up?
Many people recognise the warning signs that stress may be just around the corner. The trouble is that most of us rarely listen to them.
Stress Symptoms
Stress relief and managementRecognizing stress symptoms can be a positive influence in that we're compelled to take action. The sooner the better.
Strategies for Eliminating and Managing Stress
To combat modern day stressors, you need to realize that things are going to go the way they are going to go, so you may as well just relax. The most important thing you can do for yourself is to practice extreme self-care which means putting your own needs first.
Stress Management and Mastery: Practicing Perspective
Q. I wonder if you could help me with a problem that just seems to be getting worse.
3 Kinds of Workplace Stress
Workers across America will tell you that stresslevels are increasing. The demand for anti-depressants is up.
Stress In The Workplace
According to the Australian Council of Trade Unions' (A.C.
Stress Management: How to Take Off Those Masks We Wear
The Mask of "I've Got It All Together"It's so easy to put this mask on, and then forget you are wearing it. We want to look to the outside world as if everything is fine, we've got it all handled, no problems, thank you very much.
Stress Management - Overcoming Adversity
Adversity is an unavoidable part of life. Death of a loved one, breakup of a relationship, malicious action by another, job loss, natural disaster, or any other undesirable event are all circumstances people encounter.
Is it a Crime to be a White Guy in A Tan Car?
I had the unpleasant experience of being pulled over the other day by a Southaven Policeman. I was already behind schedule and I needed to get cat food and pick up my daughter at work and time was not on my side.
Tame Your Work Stress
Work stress has become a major problem today. The nature of work is changing at whirlwind speed.
Top 10 Tips on Managing Conflict, Emotional Tension, and Anger
To be a safe and predictable person for those around you at work and at home, it is essential that you are able to maintain your composure when you feel like your 'buttons' are being pushed. This strength will help you to achieve your goals in business as well as your goals for your personal relationships.
Secrets to Aromatherapy II - Psychological Complaints
Aromatherapy is very therapeutic when it comes to healing emotional and psychological conditions. This is because the essential oils from plants contain all kinds of compounds, phytoestrogens and phytochemicals that have the ability to subtly alter brain chemistry for the better.
Empathy - Anxiety & Panic
If you are an anxiety and panic sufferer, then you've probably taken a fast learning track of how many people around you actually suffer from this one skill "empathy".How many times have you told yourself or maybe even to others "you don't understand" or "they don't understand what I'm going through".
How To Recognize Stress And Its Effects Before It Takes You Over
Stress affects different people in different ways, but affect them it does. Whether you recognize it or not, if you are stressed, it is only a matter of time before something has to give - and that something is likely to be you!So what exactly is stress, and what does it do to you?Stress is a collective term for a whole series of effects, mental, physical and emotional, that occur as a result of excess.
Stress Management--Getting the Better of the Daily Grind
There are many kinds of daily grinds. In the U.
Relieving Stress
Where does stress really come from? Is there any simple way to reduce it or to stop it?Yes!Stress comes from the thoughts you choose to think in each and every moment.The first thing is that you need to be aware of the thought that you are thinking.