Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. In order to
make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trust in
another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, it is a
very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games with that
trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust will surely
create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you truly trust
another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. You are
at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind of emotional
attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are amongst those emotions
now.
This is why communication is so important. It is the key to opening
all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked and one
will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more
productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. I am not
saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, it can be
done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For every
forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass in the
future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect, they will
have only good memories to savour and smile upon in the future. Those
are extremely important in tearing down those walls.
Communication is a very important act between two people. It even has
more importance than sex to keep a relationship building stronger. In
order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open minds. If one
mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will grow in
confusion and frustration.
Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry about the
EF&G`s in life. Thats OK. It is what adds the color to our black
and white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we all
worried and thought about things equally. It would be less confusing.
But only for a short time. Soon enough our complacency with each other
would get "OLD". It would be as if we could read each others minds,
but what would be the point if we thought and worried the same.
A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in a relationship.
It helps us to get to know another part of our partner and also our
own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only then will we
offer this part of us. Until then it isn't necessary. One very
important thing about a person sharing their inner most fears and
disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person or walk away
in frustration. If someone is that open with you, embrace it and hear
them out. Never belittle their concerns as being immature or
nonsensical because you would never have those concerns. Remember the
ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you both communicate,
otherwise you will add another block to the wall of communication
breakdown.
When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If we are
not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, we will
quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brick has
then been set, the foundation of the wall to communication breakdown
will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a single relationship
that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall of communication.
There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into
situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and
disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationship together
in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to page one
and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental hearts we can
get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in a relationship.
Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humans create, is
to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word
"regurgitate", because that's how I view having things being tossed
back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another lovely habit
(NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt when we are in
the heat of anger? We do this time and time again, because we already
know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It is a very cheap and
bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is that not what most
communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars that end up shooting
old ammunition back and forth at one another? The problem there is
that noone ever wins that battle. All that is really happening is that
both parties have just taken an equal part in adding more blocks to
the wall of communication breakdown. Both sides lose.
Communication can only really work when neither party is being
selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they are being
attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is all about
hurting them. They have automatically closed an open door without even
realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person feel this way.
Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop to let the other
party absorb what was just said, this too is a typical selfish act.
That is why it is important that we take turns with each other and try
to understand what is actually being said. If one partner misunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you are
responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to get them
to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until the other
person has completely finished.
This is why the power of writing is so productive. One person writes
his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of being derailed
from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all of their
chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this, so
listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdown is
starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to each other is
a very good way to bypass the wall.
Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helps you
to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional when writing
it. We all know that old saying, "I did`t mean that, I was just upset
at the time". Well there's a hind site tip for all of us struggling
with that d**n wall of communication breakdown.
Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that you will
never be able to communicate with your partner again and just want to
run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and why you
are running from. Are you running from a partner that could very well
be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact
running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with?
Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you will run
forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your
relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away is a cop
out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight and trust
that your partner will understand your troubles is a true sign of
courage and one that will be greatly respected.
We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they did happen
and that is what they are, past issues. To have your past continue to
come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whether it is a
person or just an experience, it should be left in the past. This is
where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When we are
made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it sometimes makes
them easier to understand and deal with if they happen to come about
again. If we are left in the dark and we have to meet up with
another's past and it is not a very good experience, we will be weak
in defense and our ability to communicate positively will be almost
non-existent.
Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threat to
their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with
through love and understanding. Again we must communicate with each
other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and true fears.
That wall of communication breakdown will never completely come down
if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrong that
they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure most any
mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing and honest
with each other.
********************************************
"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different
in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide
to our communication with others."
- Anthony Robbins
"Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never
replace kisses and hugzzz"
-Dorothy
"Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I think that
love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as the better,
not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that only the
closest can share, with communication, respect,"
-Anonymous
Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com