Wow, Grandma Is Dating!
When Lena, 52, began dating, her son, Paul, joined the same dating site. Together, mother and son set out to find love. Lena's family was concerned for her. After 30 years of marriage, she was very vulnerable. What did she know about dating or sexually transmitted diseases? Lena knew one thing: love does not have a best-before date.
Lena is one of many fiery over 50 dames with lots of life. The idea of dating put a sparkle into her eyes. After a few unproductive "let's meet for coffee" dates, she struck gold! Ryan, whom she met in her doctor's waiting room, was everything she hoped for. A widower without children, Ryan was like a breath of fresh air. He put romance and zest into her life. They fell madly in love and lived happily ever after.
This is a dating dream come true for most older, single women. Today, dating over 50 is just as common as dating at a younger age. However, there are profound differences in life circumstances and experiences.
Unfortunately, not all dating adventures of older singles have happy endings. Dating at a mature age comes with baggage. Ex wives, stepchildren, step-grandchildren, in-laws, lifestyles or commitments, just to name a few. This baggage prevents many singles from creating close relationships. Yet, there are good news for all mature singles, who have not found their "one and only":
As a mature person you have qualities such patience, integrity, and wisdom and are much better equipped for relationship success than the younger generation. Use exactly those qualities to find love and avoid silly dating etiquettes. While dating can be fun and highly entertaining, for most singles over 50 it is about finding a life-mate. Regardless of your relationship history, love can last the second time around. Just trust your instinct and follow these common sense tips:
BE TRUTHFUL about yourself. Naturally you want to paint your very best picture, but the key to finding a compatible love is being authentic instead of pretending. Being real may not guarantee a huge number of dates, but at this stage in your life it is about quality, not quantity. You are mature and don't need a black book filled with admirers.
RESPECT that a first date is like a fishing trip. Both parties want to determine if there is enough interest for a second date. Be on time and be interested in your date. Share your likes and dislikes openly. By all means give each other a chance, but if you are not interested, make it easy to call the quits. Treat your date the way you would want to be treated. TIME is of essence.
This begs the question as to when a relationship begins. You have graduated from the coffee shop to seeing a movie. He wined and dinned you and now invites you to a barbeque with friends. While this is not a marriage proposal, it is nevertheless personal. No red flags have popped up yet and you accept the invitation. This has the potential for a relationship. Now is the time to get to know him instead of looking over the shoulder for other suitors. Here is why: often relationships between dating singles never develop because they are occupied with multiple dates. Sleeping with multiple dates is morally irresponsible to each one. Be as responsible as you would be to your best friend, because he may be that some day.
3. Authenticity: Love only happens when you are real Have you ever found yourself laughing simply because everyone else did?
Told someone had a fabulous time when you didn't or said: "I love you" when you didn't mean it? Did you ever do something inconsistent with your true self just to please someone or get what you wanted? Of course we all have. We have lost the bravery to be real! For many there is quite a gap between the person inside and the person we present to the world. In the competitive world of dating misrepresentation is at an all time high. If you seek love, forget about how to make him fall in love with you. Forget about Mars and Venus, in the real world we are all human beings first, men and women second. Most singles over 50 want to love and belong. Wear what makes you feel like a million dollar babe, not what you think impresses him. While you are not to disclose your sexual history on a first date, be straightforward on topics that you are comfortable with. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be authentic and be honest! Don't waste your precious time pretending to be what you are not. You may not land many second dates, but at this stage it is about quality, not quantity. Love only happens when you are real.
These three universal principles are no-fail dating concepts that keep you sane and on the road to love. To boost your dating success, Ivana Trump is adding a bonus for all the fabulous and mature women. In her new TV show she introduces older women to younger men. Sounds like the Demi Moore style of dating is gaining popularity. With quite a few older men dating much younger women, Ivana is orchestrating a balancing act. Love has no boundaries, is ageless and keeps you young. Maybe Ivana's reality show will get you in the groove.
© 2004 Allie Ochs, relationship expert, coach, speaker and the author of "Are You Fit To Love?" ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Her articles are published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website at www.fit2love.com
Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website http://www.fit2love.com and take the Fit 2 Love test.