What does real love look like? The way we act towards other people is a true expression of how much we love.
The Indian Jesuit Anthony de Mello tells this story:
The student asks the Master, 'What is love?'
'The total absence of fear,' the Master replies.
'What is it that we fear?' the student asks.
'Love,' says the Master.
We first must be clear in our own mind and understand that building a solid relationship foundation requires the following qualities that express love.
Love is Loyalty.
If you are in love it means you look to no other person to meet your desires. It means you have no longing for another. Loyalty means you are faithful and devoted to the one you are with in every way. The moment you find yourself desiring another or taking long looks and fantasying, you are no longer in love with your partner and this must be addressed before your desires turn into action.
Loyalty means saying no to all temptation that might hinder your present bond of love. While you are in relationship you must respect the moment and open yourself up to your partner's potential as long as you are together. This does not mean you must be with someone the rest of your life. If a relationship threatens or harms you in anyway it is definitely time to move on. Loyalty is also about being loyal to your own values and respecting your partner's values.
Love is Trust.
Do you have difficulties trusting others? Trust issues are based in fear. Every relationship we are involved in allows us to work on trust. This means communicating with a sense of honour and integrity. If you avoid your issues associated with trust it will continue to resurface until you acknowledge it and begin to clear negative belief patterns associated to your past. Trust in any relationship begins with how you feel about yourself. Do you trust yourself?
Love is Respect.
The quality of respect will always lift a relationship up. Loving relationships involve a deep level of respect for yourself and your partner. The best way to respect your relationship is to never speak negatively about your partner. Some people get caught up in trashing their mate not realizing the consequences of their actions. Most people do not realize that the more they talk negatively about their spouse or partner to others it only creates destructive energy in the relationship. What happens is your family member or friends now hold a negative image of your partner in their mind long after the issue has been resolved. If you need to discuss your relationship concerns respect each other by seeking professional help.
Love is Appreciation.
The true act of giving flows from the art of appreciation. Women tend to give more in a relationship than men. Thankfully, that is now changing. Men are ready to appreciate the feminine and honour the wisdom of women. Women are ready to appreciate the gentleness that comes from the strength of a real man. The secret every man should know is that if they give to their companion in a loving way which shows appreciation, they will receive love ten fold. For example, if a man acknowledges his partner in a meaningful way and goes out of his way to help around the house, their partner is more likely to connect sexually. Appreciating your partner, you transform loveless sex into passionate love encounters.
Stephanie Dowrick author of The Universal Heart writes, we function most healthy when we feel valued by others and value ourselves. This supports the development of loving and respectful relationships.
Love is Integrity.
Are you afraid of admitting the truth of how you feel? What do you perceive happening to you if you do? Learning to stand in our own vulnerable takes courage and brings incredible strength to a relationship. Learn to be up front with how you feel such as, I am feeling vulnerable right now or I am feeling stressed about work and I just need some time to change my thoughts. When we can communicate honestly with our partner we open the door for understanding. Bring the gift of integrity into your relationship by being real with where you are in your own mind without blaming anyone for your experience.
In changing our ways of being we give more room for love to blossom. The choices we make strongly impact our lives and the lives of those around us. Knowing what true love looks like, we can then opt to strengthen these qualities in our own lives instead of reacting in fear.
If we have a deep desire to experience more in our relationships we must breathe in the word change. People who are less adaptable to change allow for stagnation to set in which can lead to boredom. Acknowledging where we are at and taking the steps to change our behaviors we begin to create the life we long for. Instead of fearing change embrace change. We live in a fluid world forever moving, evolving and expressing in new ways. It means we will not be the same person we are today. It means we must allow ourselves to expand and evolve our heart and mind.
You may have been motivated by phantom fear in the past but now you can make a choice, a choice to renew your life, your relationship and begin again. With a strong foundation you can lift your relationship up into the vibration of love where loyalty, trust, respect, integrity and appreciation are valued and communicated. Creating a solid foundation based in love we must demonstrate our good intentions with loving action. Are you ready to make changes for the sake of love?
Karen Klassen is owner of Imagine Seminars & Consulting company based in Calgary, Alberta Canada. She is a Personal Life and Relationship Coach and facilitator of The Loving Relationship Workshop and Women Reclaiming Their Power Workshop. For more information view http://www.imagineseminars.ca or email: info@imagineseminars.ca