To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question
We don't like to say it and we don't always mean it, but despite
the oft-quoted promise from the movie, love DOES mean saying
you're sorry. Unfortunately the idea seems to have hung around
long since the movie was put back on the shelf.
Is it a statement about society in general that we question the
need to apologize even in our closest relationships? If saying
sorry exposes us to confrontation or scrutiny, shouldn't we be
willing to accept that from our loved ones?
If people feel that saying sorry diminishes the respect they
receive from others, or brings their judgment (and their
intelligence) into question - what kind of people CAN apologize
freely? Can we expect it?
Perhaps the answer lies deeper than a person's perception of how
they'll be viewed. What are the reasons for apologies?
Dr. Aaron Lazare gives his opinion on the motives for apologies
in the article 'Go Ahead, Say Your Sorry' published by Psychology
Today. He suggests the two positive reasons we apologize include
the desire to restore or salvage a relationship and/or a deep
seated empathy in which your apology may relieve or diminish the
pain you've caused.
The less admirable reasons for an apology he identifies include
the desire to escape punishment or the need to clear a guilty
conscience - whether the other party was offended or not.
Clearly the first two reasons for apologizing make great claims
towards creating happy, healthy relationships. Whether we are
brought up to believe in admitting our guilt or not, taking a
humble view of ourselves in order to benefit a relationship or an
individual whom we've hurt is crucial in maintaining respect for
one another.
While some individuals may not demand apologies from their
partners, perhaps because they also believe it should not be
required, there is a loss of respect between the couple when an
apology is left unsaid. The offended has not had their pain
acknowledged by the one they love. The offender now lives with
the guilt or may start to believe their partner is not worthy of
such acknowledgement.
In either case, the relationship suffers. On the other hand,
frequent offenders may be too eager to apologize. Their constant
display of humility forces the offended partner to accept
behavior that should be questioned or challenged regardless of
the appearance of repentance.
Accepting each other, faults and all, is a big part of a loving
and enjoyable relationship. Not keeping tally of mistakes or
judging weaknesses has its place, but a willingness to apologize
for lapses of responsibility or good judgment will strengthen,
rather than weaken, the bonds of a healthy relationship.
To get more information on how you can quickly enhance your love life and bring the 'passion' back into a relationship, visit http://www.becomehercasanova.com and to, get some great tips and tricks, sign up for our free, new newsletter.
MORE RESOURCES:
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How Often do you Think About What you are Going to Say?
How often do you think about what you are going to say prior to actually saying it? As a counselor, I have been trained to understand that working with Native Americans, there may be a quite a long pause before my client makes a response to something we are discussing.Native American children are taught through folklore, that they need to think carefully about the words they are going to use.
Holy Mantrimony
In the last couple of weeks, the catholic war machine has been running on all cylinders to oppose the legitimacy of homosexual marriages. I would invite the pope to take a look behind him and see just where he was less than a year ago with the Church itself was mired in controversy.
Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs
Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children. All members are interconnected.
Diamond Alternatives - There Are Some Great Options
There is little doubt that diamonds are one of the most elegant of the precious stones, and that diamond jewelry is simply a joy to wear. Unfortunately, though many of us are unable to afford the diamond jewelry we would so dearly love, as the great beauty and value of the stone are translated into the price that you have to pay to own one.
Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 1
IntroductionMany gay men in both short and long-term relationships report concern when the romance and passion in their partnerships decline or "dry up", leading them to question themselves and fear for the future of their relationships. An unfortunate consequence of this is that many men break up with their partners prematurely at this point, have affairs, or turn to some form of addiction to cope under the mistaken notion that something is defective or wrong in their relationships.
Coping with Your Abuser
How to cope with your abuser?Sometimes it looks hopeless. Abusers are ruthless, immoral, sadistic, calculated, cunning, persuasive, deceitful - in short, they appear to be invincible.
Sacred Relationships: Divine Source
Questions and Answers from Divine Source
Through Barbara Rose1. What is a "Sacred Relationship"?2.
How to Turn Down Invitations Gracefully
All of us occasionally receive social invitations that we don't want to accept.How do we handle turning down these invitations without hurting or insulting the person who invited us?If you are turning down an invitation, first be very clear in your own mind whether you are turning down the particular event, the person who issued the invitation, or both.
Playful, Innocent Phone Sex
So you're sitting there on the phone, trying to talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend whom you haven't seen in a while and you're trying to keep things interesting by talking about the days events, how much you miss each other, etc.So far so good.
The Three Rings of Relationships
Glenna Trout is an international authority on face reading whose name I first registered in the context of Domestic Violence. (She contributed to The Kent Constabulary's extraordinarily informative leaflet on Domestic Violence.
Squashing the Gay Relationship Killer Known As Jealousy
IntroductionYou might feel it when that hot stud across the room at the gym gives your lover "the look-over." You might experience it if your ex-boyfriends ever cheated on you and then you project it onto your current man.
A Kernel of Truth about Relationships: 4 Steps to Improvement
It's all about relationships! proclaimed my father during our recent holiday visit with my parents. Santa Claus coffee cup in one hand and a wagging finger toward my wife, Elizabeth, with the other.
Jinxed Relationships -- Are Yours?
Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? Have your relationships all been ending on a sad note lately? Perhaps you've come to the conclusion that you are jinxed! Before you give up on love, or decide that it never existed in the first place, please join me; let's take a look at loving from a different perspective.Experts at the game of life and loving tell us that there are four important laws that we must know, and use to our advantage.
How to Build Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words
We may not be aware of it; but the words we utter daily
may have different interpretations, even if you think that
they mean the same thing.Here's an example.
Great Relationship Advice: Declaration or Demonstration
Q: Could you help us settle a growing conflict in our marriage? I always tell my wife I love her and would do anything in the world for her. That doesn't seem to do it for her.
Relationship Advice - How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships Ruts
"The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions."Q: My wife and I are both on our second marriage.
Real Solutions For Combatting Extreme Shyness
Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to time in certain situations. In fact, only about 7% of the population claims that they never feel shy.
How To Re-ignite the Fire in Your Relationship!
Couples that are together for a while sometimes suffer from passion burn out.Are you a victim of passion burnout?If you no longer have the desire to jump all over your partner whenever they walk through the door, and find more things to complain about than compliment, you may be headed down the path of trouble.
Pros and Cons of Online Relationships
Modern technology hasn't solved any of the problems of creating and preserving a good relationship. Computers and the internet have merely added a new wrinkle in old pattern of love and loss.
Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens
Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I can't believe I'm even feeling this way. My wife just got an offer that would give her a better and higher paying job than I have.
|