My Fairy Tale Is Gone
Dear Candace,
My girlfriend and I recently split up. I called her a few days ago and she said that it was over and that she did not want to discuss it with me anymore, that I had gotten on her nerves to the point where she didn't see any point in communicating with me, ever. I told her I was completely devastated and depressed. She said, "I know, but that happens to people everyday and you need to act like an adult for once."
I just don't understand what happened. I am so hurt and confused and lonely. I bought her flowers almost every week we dated and treated her like a princess. I cry and pray every day for her to return. How can I get my fairy tale back? ~ Jeff
"Greetings and blessings to you, precious one. What is attractive about a person is their character, their strengths, their goals, their beliefs. In some cases, it may be external things, and yet, for the most part, it is who they are and all of the richness they bring into the world and share with another. That is what you brought to this relationship in the first place. Who you became over time was a person who is in love with this other person, rather than a man of character, virtue, ideas, and goals. You lost who you were in the process of this relationship, and you lost what made you desirable to her in the first place.
"You have not done anything wrong or bad. This happens naturally for people in relationships when they are not strong and certain about who they are and about their character and strengths. Those become lost in the course of a relationship. For you, it would be best to allow your fairy tale to read onto the next page where it says, 'And they lived happily ever after. The End.' You close the book and say, 'That was a nice story. God bless those characters.' And you move on.
"Give thanks in your heart for having known this person and for having learned that in the course of falling deeply and wonderfully in love, you lose yourself. Then go about your life, without this person, rediscovering your strengths, your character, your virtues and goals. Focus on these and strengthen these. They are already instilled within you in a very deep way. Make contact with those things on the deepest level that you can, so that you bring them into the world and into your relationships, rather than bringing your neediness, your dependence, or your suffering, which came as a result of losing yourself in this relationship.
"Rediscover within you all of these things. You are the person that you want to get to know. When you feel strong and confident in who you are, bring that into the world and allow another relationship to unfold in your life, being mindful not to lose yourself in the process. It is not to be self-centered when you step into a relationship, but to continue to make yourself, your relationship with God, your family, your work, your goals, and your priorities as important as they truly are.
"You have everything within you that you need to accomplish this. It is only for you to make the decision and take the time to do this. Allow yourself to be motivated to maintain who you are and to allow your partner to maintain who they are so that the relationship becomes the blessing of the gifts that you each bring, knowing that you are stronger as a couple than the sum of your parts.
"Blessings to you on this happy venture. Amen."
Inspired by A Course in Miracles, Candace Doyle has been hearing and sharing the Voice of the Holy Spirit within her as a discernible, conversational Voice for over 10 years. Her spiritual advice column, Advice From Within, shares this small, still Voice with others in their times of need. Candace and her husband, DavidPaul, are also the authors of The Journey That Never Was, a guide to hearing God's Voice regardless of one's faith, religion, or personal beliefs. For more information, please visit their website at http://www.rightmindedness.com
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