I Have A Secret to Share


Dear Candace,

I have been through a lot over the last 3 years. I have divorced, suffered from cancer, and started a new relationship with someone I care a great deal about. One of my problems is that I have been trained professionally to be a very secretive person. I have kept things and told lies to this person because of my secretiveness. Needless to say, it has created problems in this relationship. I know that this is wrong, but when you are trained this way, it is a hard habit to break. Please give me some insight as to how I can break this habit. Thank you." ~ Marie

"Greetings and blessings to you precious one. Your request is to overcome the 'habit' of your secretiveness. It is one thing to say that your secretiveness comes as a result of the work you have done, but it may be true that you chose the work you did out of a desire to be secretive. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

"In your case you have been protecting yourself and doing your best to avoid being hurt any more than you have already been hurt. You have created the idea that to be secretive, to close down, or to hide is the best way you know to protect yourself. This keeps you from letting someone in, and it keeps you from being able to come out. There is the fear that if one were to know you completely, they would not like you or love you. There is the fear that if you love or that if you are loved, you will ultimately be hurt.

"There are many ways to experience life's lessons. Every experience can teach you something, yet the same experience might teach ten people ten different things. If one reaches into their oven to take something out and they are burned, one person might say that reaching into a hot oven will cause you to be burned. Another person would say to use your oven mitts when reaching into a hot oven to prevent getting burned. Another person may decide that baking is dangerous and they give it up altogether. Some people might think that they had been stupid and deserved to be burned. You can see that the same experience can offer people many different conclusions. You have had certain experiences and based on those you came to believe that it is better to hide and better to not love or be loved. Those conclusions do not need to be your truths any longer.

"If you think it is better to hide so that one cannot know you and have the opportunity to not like you, you also close the door to the opportunity for someone to like you for who you really are. The key here is for you to break the 'habit' of not liking yourself and being afraid to love yourself.

"Spend some time each day contemplating what you can do every day, what tiny step you could take that day toward liking yourself and loving yourself. Eventually you will look forward to the opportunity to be honest and to put yourself out there. Eventually you may go to the one you are in relationship with now and say to him honestly, 'I am sorry I have not been truthful. I did not know that I was afraid that you might not like what you found and I did not know that I was afraid to love and be loved. I want to like who I am. I want to share that with you, and I want to learn to love and be loved.'

You have everything you need to be able to make that statement and mean it.

"Blessings to you, precious one. Amen."

Inspired by A Course in Miracles, Candace Doyle has been hearing and sharing the Voice of the Holy Spirit within her as a discernible, conversational Voice for over 10 years. Her spiritual advice column, Advice From Within, shares this small, still Voice with others in their times of need. Candace and her husband, DavidPaul, are also the authors of The Journey That Never Was, a guide to hearing God's Voice regardless of one's faith, religion, or personal beliefs. For more information, please visit their website at http://www.rightmindedness.com

MORE RESOURCES:
RELATED ARTICLES
Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships
Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says that responsibility is really the " ability to choose our response." We don't have to respond to stimuli and triggers the same way we have always done.
Whats in a Kiss
Just think of being in front of a warm cracking with you partner in your hands, with a kiss and a cuddle. But have you ever thought about why people kiss? It could be a greeting or a sign of affection, but we all kiss.
Why He Left Me After...?
The next morning he /or she is gone. And because this is a man's privilege, I'll try to give some answers to the women.
Making Passion More Passionate
Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many couples experience dormant growth phases during their relationship, leaving one, if not both partners with a need for greater input, emotionally and/or physically.The process of emotional growth is both independent, and uncomfortable.
Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes--Celebrity Romance
Actors Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a hard time convincing people of their sudden hot and heavy romance. In a poll taken in New York City's Times Square, over 2/3 of the respondents believed that the Cruise and Holmes romance is a publicity stunt due to their upcoming movie releases (Cruise's War of the Worlds and Holmes' Batman Begins.
Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 4
Finally, after all of the hard work you have done completing your past, here is a way to break your relationship pattern.Relationship choices are often based on patterns created in our childhood.
Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man?
Most women say they want a strong religious man who believes in God, attends church and goes to bible study every week. Is this true? The answer is No if the man is a religious freak who consumes every waking hour brooding over the bible; engages only with non-secular friends; excessively attends religious events; and constantly scrutinizes non-Christian behavior, especially their partner.
Relationship Conflict: Lock Horns or Lock Arms
One of my favorite comic strips growing up was "The Lockhorns." Not so much because it particularly funny (although it was), but because it seemed like a great model for how not to do love relationships.
Relationship Advice: Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair
"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous words for your marriage.But over and over in my office and on the phone I hear it: "We are just friends, there is nothing going on.
Loves All About Chemistry
People who have been swept off their feet know the feeling. Love makes us all feel funny.
Are You Fit To Love?
is the most important question you'll ever ask yourself. Let's face it, our relationships are extremely important.
Why Its Good To Be Alone
Have you noticed that there's an ebb and flow to everything in life? The sun comes up, the sun goes down; the tide comes in, the tide goes out. If you're not currently in a relationship, it simply means the sun has temporarily set; the tide is currently out.
How a Written Agreement Can Enhance Your Relationship
Marital contracts have an honorable history going back thousands of years, but they have not been put to good use for modern couples. Instead they have developed a bad reputation for being legalistic, money-grubbing things, negatively preoccupied with all that might go wrong in the future, and too often used to strip a woman marrying a wealthy man of her rights to property, support, and inheritance.
Why Do Men and Women Misunderstand Each Other So Much
Joke from a Woman to another Woman "Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke!"Joke from a Man to another Man; "Men are Vain, They will check themselves out in the mirror. However women are ridiculous; they will check their reflections in any shiny surface, mirrors, spoons, shop windows.
Great Relationships: 3 Really Dumb Mistakes and 3 Smarter Moves to Make
1) Think short term.Many people enter marriage with the same mindset they have when buying a car.
Jinxed Relationships -- Are Yours?
Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? Have your relationships all been ending on a sad note lately? Perhaps you've come to the conclusion that you are jinxed! Before you give up on love, or decide that it never existed in the first place, please join me; let's take a look at loving from a different perspective.Experts at the game of life and loving tell us that there are four important laws that we must know, and use to our advantage.
Stop, Look, & Listen: The 3-Step Approach to Understanding Your Partner
IntroductionDo you feel misunderstood by your partner? Seem to keep getting into repetitive arguments over the same things? Have hidden resentments toward him and a mountain of unmet needs? If you're like a lot of other gay couples, chances are your listening skills might need a jump-start; and if it's not that, then fine-tuning your ability to listen can go a long way toward bridging the gap between you and your lover and bringing about more clarity and connection in your relationship.Conflict is inevitable when you're a couple, but how you go about negotiating it can mean the difference between cuddling on the couch together or sleeping on opposite sides of the bed when you retire for the evening.
Amaze Your Lover - 16 Romantic Ideas To Keep Them Happy
Some people have a natural ability to romance the oppposite sex and others seem like they don't even know what it means. However, everyone should know how to make their partner's heart melt because it's one of the finest acts of seduction.
Romantic Tips - Gift Giving
I believe that we have all heard of the standard romantic gifts. Chocolate, flowers, and jewelry, but there is something to be said for the man who thinks out side the box when gift giving holidays roll around.
When Someone You Love is Moving
Your best friend moves a thousand miles, your aunt retires or your brother's family gets transferred. They're moving from Boise to Boston and you live in San Diego.