Did He Think of Me?
As a betrayed partner this was one of the first questions that I asked my husband when I found out about his affairs. Each affair elicited the same response from me. "Did you think about me?"
I wanted to know it all! Did he think of me before he decided to sleep with her, did he think of me while he was sleeping with her.
When a betrayed partner asks this question it is because she does not comprehend where she fits in the affair. She doesn't understand that the affair is not about her.
To the betrayed spouse, the affair is all about them. They do not understand that the affair is not their fault and they are not the central person in the affair.
This is a difficult concept for the betrayed partner to grasp. It causes intense pain that they could so easily be forgotten. To the betrayed partner, they feel as if they have been tossed aside and they are seeking validation that they are important.
If you are a betrayed spouse please try to understand that the affair isn't about you. It is about your spouse and what is lacking in your spouse. While you should own your part in the problems of the relationship, know that you have no responsibility to own the affair.
If you are the unfaithful spouse, you need to approach this question from your spouse with caution. Answer truthfully. Do not hold back, thinking that you are sparing your spouse from some pain. It is likely that your spouse already knows that you did not think of them while you were engaged in the affair. You need to validate that your spouse is important to you, that the marriage is important to you, and that you are willing to do what ever it takes to help them see that. Above all, be honest. You will do your spouse no favors by continuing any deceit.
Brandi Simon is the owner of InjuredHearts.com where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair. Brandi is a successful relationship coach, offering guidance to those who wish to move forward in their relationships. Brandi specializes in Infidelity Coaching. Brandi is an affair survivor and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about Brandi, the coaching services, or infidelity in general, please visit http://www.injuredhearts.com
MORE RESOURCES:
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
8 Keys to Lasting Love
My granddaughter, Merritt Miles, was the inspiration for this CD, 8 Keys to Lasting Love. When Merritt was five years old I read a fairy tale to her and was very disturbed by the ending, "And they lived happily ever after.
To Know You Is To Love You
How do you show someone you love them? Do you buy them expensive gifts? Spend quality time together? Make personal sacrifices just to see them smile? Dedicate a song to them? Write a love letter or note of encouragement? Become their cheerleader? Those are wonderful things to do but my question goes deeper then those types of activities, even beyond your romantic partner. Think about your parents, your children, your best friend, your sister, or your brother.
Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs
Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children. All members are interconnected.
What Does Relational Success Look Like? (Characteristics Of A Growing Relationship)
RELATIONAL SUCCESS..
Why Its Important to Stay in Contact with Your Friends when Youre in a Relationship
So often when we begin to enter into a new relationship, it is very easy to get swept up by the romance, and leave behind our friends. With the wonderful bliss that you feel when you enter into a relationship it's easy to understand why we forget our friends and our everyday relationships.
For Better Or Worse
For Better or WorseI was in the middle of a conversation the other evening with a friend of mine, and her better half.
The conversation was about the kids.
Relationship Advice - 5 Sure Fire Ways to Mess Things Up
1) Stay committed to your "right to be right."Argue for your point of view, making sure you never entertain the possibility that your partner may have a valid point of view.
Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home - Now What?
Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home - Now What?Laura anxiously anticipates the return of her husband Dan. What will it be like and what should she do? After all, he is not returning from a successful business trip or golf weekend.
8 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship
Couples in love may often find themselves having to live apart for a period of time throughout their relationship due to job commitment, studies, military obligation and etc. This has made us wonder whether a relationship can survive the physical distance.
7 Steps To Creating A Healthy Relationship
Everything in life, in order to be a success, requires knowledge and education to some extent. We read, study and take courses on several subjects that we as human beings require in order to live the life we choose to live.
Creative Visualizations for Love
To manifest love through creative visualization, you first need to learn how to suspend or hold an image of the desired outcome in your mind in as much detail as possible.For instance, let's say that you need to resolve an argument with a dear friend.
Learn the Six Secrets of Chemical Romance
What is Chemical Romance? It's a scientific approach to seduction that reveals how to unleash the natural chemicals in the body. Have you ever felt an instant connection with someone you just met? Have you ever fallen in love at first sight?If yes, then you have experienced the powerful effects of chemical romance.
The Lies That Saved a Judges Life
What is empathy? Many people confuse empathy with sympathy, but empathy is really much more.
My dictionary defines it as "the quality or process of entering fully, through imagination, into another's feelings or motives.
How Love Dies: Spot the Symptoms Now, and Get Your Love Back on Track
Are you starting to feel that your man has changed so much, in a negative way, that your relationship is starting to die a slow death? In this article I will shed some light on the kinds of things men do when they want to extinguish the flame that sizzles their love. I will also give you some some ideas on how you can reignite the fire in your relationship.
Christmas Gifts Can Be a Cheating Husbands Undoing
Have you been plagued by the nagging feeling that your husband might be having an affair? Well. Christmas is probably the ideal time to confirm your suspicions and perhaps find additional proof of your husband's infidelity, as well.
A Dear Jon Letter
How do you let go of someone whom you have waited for all your life? How do you let go when you feel you belong with this person and you will never ever love like this again? How do you move forward when you feel like this is the one? How do you love again when you feel your soulmate was left behind? I am having a hard time letting go of someone just like that. I feel so overwhelmingly in love with him.
Bring Back the Cilice Belt
Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt to popular attention. Silas, Brown's tonsured hit man in "The Da Vinci Code", wears one and also flagellates himself with The Discipline, a knotted rope.
How to Survive Long Distance Relationships
One of the great obstacles to maintaining a healthy relationship these days occurs when jobs or other situations put physical distance between the two partners. This ultimately leads to what is called a long distance relationship that neither party may have been prepared for in the beginning.
Coping With A New Culture: Problems And Solutions
Coping with a new culture has never been the easiest job of one's life, for, not only that you miss your friends and family in the new place, you also miss your very own culture. And culture, as the social anthropologists say, is exactly what we do in our life.
Two Easy Steps To Finding Joy In All Your Relationships
Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. We hope that this person is the right one, that we aren't repeating mistakes of the past, and that we will finally receive the love, support, companionship and admiration we've been waiting for.
|