Top Ten Common Sense Rules for Fathers
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories
and techniques out there. Many of them are widely used
and treated as the gospel. But if you want to be an
effective father, you can skip most of them and
concentrate on common sense rules that have always
worked. They won't always make you the most popular
Dad, but they'll always be effective:
Rule #1 Expect a Great Deal From Your Kids
If your kids know that you expect a lot from them,
they'll rise to the occasion. Everything from
saying please and thank-you, to efforts in school
or on the athletic field. If expectations are made
clear in a loving atmosphere, your kids will know
you think a lot of them. And when they know this,
they'll respond.
Rule #2 Always Be Willing To Be Part of the Problem
When you're convinced that someone in your family
is causing the problems and you're blaming them
for it, you better realize that this problem won't get better
until you accept that you're making it worse by blaming.
It may feel good to blame, but it never improves anything.
Only love and acceptance will make a positive difference.
Rule #3 Know Your Child's Life Intimately
It's sad to see how many fathers know the stock market
more intimately than their own child. Get to know all you
can about your kids. Know what their favorite toys and
colors are, who their best friends are, who their heroes
are, etc. By showing interest, you're showing you love them.
By not asking, you show that they're not that important to you.
Rule #4 Say "No" to Your Kids
There's an awful lot of stuff out there for kids
these days...and of course they want to have it
all. Kids who get almost everything they want
typically aren't very happy kids. Kids learn discipline,
self-control, and how to delay gratification when they're
told no by their parents. It may be a difficult struggle, but
saying no and meaning it will help you to have happy, healthy,
and cooperative kids.
Rule #5 Hitting or Spanking Your Kids Doesn't Work
There are plenty of studies showing that kids who
are spanked have lower self-esteem. Spanking your
kids will also be likely to increase the very kinds of behaviors
that you're spanking them for. As a father, do you really want
your child to be afraid of you?
Rule #6 Treat Your Partner Extremely Well
This is where your kids get their most important
information about relationships between their parents.
Make a great effort not to fight in front of the kids.
Remember to be kind more often than trying to be right.
Rule #7 Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Many parents spend time threatening their children
when their kids aren't cooperating. But if you
don't follow through on the consequences, you can
threaten till the cows come home. Your children
will learn to ignore the threats. They will
understand action. If certain privileges are taken
away because of their lack of cooperation, they'll
learn very quickly that you mean business. Try
your best to align the consequences with the
action. ( "If you don't clean your room in time,
you won't have time for stories before bed.")
Rule #8 Really Listen to Your Kids
Don't just hear their words, but learn to
understand the meaning behind what they say as
well. "I'm picking my own clothes!" might mean that
your child wants more responsibility or
independence. Be able to reflect back what your
child says to you. If you want your child to
listen to you, you absolutely must listen to
her/him.
Rule #9 Give Your Kids Responsibility as They Grow
Older
When your kids are very young, perhaps they just
help make their beds in the morning and keep their
rooms clean. As they get older, add things to
their list. Tell them that this is how a family
works?everybody has certain things that they do.
If you do it when they're young, it's more likely
they'll do it when they're older. Don't reward
them for things that should be expected of them.
Rule #10 Tell Your Kids They're Great All the Time
It's especially important to tell them this when
they're not at their best. It's easy to tell them
when things are going well! Make it a point to
tell them specifically what you think is great
about them. This will be more meaningful than
generalized praise.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by
phone to balance their life and improve their family
relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session
by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE
newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or
email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.
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