Parenting Predicaments


Predicament:

My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother is 2 1/2. From the time his brother was born, until now, he has been loving, giving, and caring. Like all siblings sharing has not always come as easy. In the last few weeks he has made comments that I pay more attention to his brother. I have evaluated it and even though my husband and I think he is wrong...I have tried to spend more one on one time with him. He has become very quiet, withdrawn, and when ever we ask what is wrong he has a sad look and just shrugs and says nothing. The other day I heard him playing and he was dialoging that a toy needed to be sad to get attention and that that toy had just had a baby brother. He treats his brother as well as ever and he truly loves him and I just find it hard to believe that after 2 1/2 years that he is really insecure about his brothers attention getting. Is this just a way to manipulate me into paying more attention, a phase, a way of growing emotionally or what????Help please. I have prayed about it and hopefully you are the answer God has given me.

Lisa

Response

Sounds like lots of good old fashion sibling stuff going on. Nothing you mentioned is out of the norm. I found myself focusing in more on you than on what your son is going through. This is what I heard:

1. You gave your son the benefit of the doubt and discussed whether you give your other son more attention.

2. You have been willing to spend more one on one time with your older son in response to what he is presenting you with.

3. You are attentive to aspects of his play.

All good signs of an intuned, related, reflective and responsive parent. This is what your children need more than anything to grow into emotionally healthy adults.

Not to say that this is a non-issue. Help your son continue to put his feelings into words and use play as a forum for processing his experience of the world. Give him reassurance that you have enough love for both of them. Explain to him that young children sometimes need more help from grown-ups as they cannot do some of the things that "big boys" can do.

Lastly, when there is such an age difference between children, sometimes such feelings can emerge if one child begins school while the younger child get to "reap the rewards" of being home with Mommy. This then becomes one of the issues to include in your chats with your son.

Best wishes and many peaceful blessings!!!

Response by David E. Smith, CSW- Resident therapist

About The Author

"Parenting Predicaments" is a forum on the Alternative Parenting web-site where parents can submit their concerns on their child's behavior and development. Visit the site that is dedicated to living naturally at http://www.AlternativeParenting.com.

AlternativeParenting.com

MORE RESOURCES:
RELATED ARTICLES
Vouchers --- Parents, Dont Depend On Them
Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for tuition in private schools, sound good in theory. The problem is that voucher programs are few and very far between.
Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen
Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working with your teen on gradually giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their lives, then you're going to have your work cut out for you.
Time Out for Adults
"Get down from the table top right now! What are you doing? Floors are for standing on, tables are for eating. You need a time out, young lady.
Parents/Teens and Money - 5 Ideas for Keeping the Peace
Children and teenagers are relentlessly bombarded with merchandise that entices. It can be difficult to find contentment when a newer, better, faster gizmo of the moment hits the market every day.
Spanking Children
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage of readers who do not spank their children: 37%Percentage of readers who spank their children: 62%~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am completely opposed to spanking.
Building Teen Character: Part-Time Employment
The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's life. They are not children anymore, but they are also not adults.
Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod
Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a long time.In fact, a study done by Zero to Three, a nonprofit child-development group, found that 61 percent of the adults who responded, condone spanking as a regular form of punishment.
Twins - Double The Trouble Or Double The Pleasure? Both!
If You're Having Twins..
Your Checking Account
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can either have a checking account or run to the bank or other outlet for money orders.
How to Assist Troubled Teens
What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet child went and who the angry and rebellious child is that took his or her place. After all, adolescence is a time of change.
Top Ten Ways to Teach Values to Your Kids
In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve of, how can you teach values to your kids? Here are ten ideas to help you:1. Tell them your life stories and teach through your storiesKids love to hear stories about your childhood.
Pet Loss Can Be Just As Devastating!
'And all because of a damned cat! It's only a cat, for God's sake!'I'll never forget the wracking sobs of the girl sitting before me, and the disbelief on the face of the mother who uttered these words.I was a Guidance Counsellor in a city high school, and the girl's performance had slumped in recent weeks.
Potty Training Battle of the Wills
Some children practically potty train themselves, while others struggle and resist against the potty. Potty training should never turn into the battle of the wills.
5 Ways To Help Your Kids Do Math
Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and it's poor marks from the math department.
Avoid Weight Problems In Children
Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more than tripled in the past two decades-15% of American children are obese according to the U.S.
School Holiday Survival Guide
The school holidays are a great time for the kids, all those weeks of fun and games, no school, getting up late??but not for their parents! Summer vacation time can be just as much like hard work as the rest of the year. Trying to keep the kids entertained for six whole weeks can seem like a daunting task, so here are ten top tips to help you survive the summer holidays.
Parents Role in Helping with Car Wash Fundraisers
As a parent you will be asked to assist with your children's car wash fundraiser activities. It is important that you take an active role in these endeavors.
Homework Help for the Attention Deficit Child
Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or A.D.
Educational Toys And Childrens Books - A Must For Optimal Childhood Development
The brightly colored plastic mobile dangles lazily overhead in the infant's crib. The baby coos as its tiny arms swing a rattle back and forth.
The Free Ride In Public Schools
To protect children's self-esteem or deflect complaints by parents, many public schools today automatically advance failing students to the next grade level. In other schools, some students are left back a maximum of one year, then promoted again regardless of their academic skills.