Opening the Heart and Exploring Beneath the Surface


Exploring beneath the surface of a reoccurring relationship issue can be tedious and scary. Seeing beyond a nagging health challenge to the 'deeper issue' requires courage, faith and trust.

Unwanted feelings and thoughts are rich territory to dive beneath the surface for fresh insights that open the heart. When we take the time to peel away the layers that have us stuck or paralyzed we reap the benefits of self-acceptance, compassion, and liberation from fear.

Let's look at what may be underneath a chronic response of anger. Chronic reactive angry responses can disrupt relationships, derail important business deals, and cause high blood pressure.

Imagine for a moment that you are floating along on the ocean of feelings unwilling to accept that the choppy waves to your left signify anger. If you put on snorkeling gear and dive under them, you will see a whole new world.

Beneath the anger you will most likely find a hurt or a fear. Complete the following sentences with yourself:

**Each time I think of __________I get angry.

**If I feel this anger, I'm afraid that ___________.

**When I feel this anger, I am hurt about __________.

Remember, avoid assigning personal meaning to these feelings. (I'm such a terrible person for feeling and thinking this way.)

Just swim around with your snorkel securely in place, investigating the fear or hurt that lie beneath the anger.

Surface briefly and reflect about the role your anger plays. Here are a few possibilities:

**Anger is a shield that protects a part of me that feels afraid or hurt.

**Anger is a red flag alerting me to the presence of fear or hurt.

**Anger is a messenger. A part inside must feel afraid or hurt.

Now take a deep breath and dive again, looking next to the fear or hurt for a judgment it may have spawned, such as the following:

**If people knew I was afraid they would reject me.

**I'm pathetic for being afraid of this.

**Feeling hurt is weak and foolish.

**Because I feel hurt I am unworthy of love.

To further complicate opening our heart the mind adopts black and white thinking. Desperately needing to stay in control of life and make sense of the world, we resort to rejecting what we see as wrong (bad, inappropriate, immoral) and cling to what we see as right (good, appropriate, moral).

When the heart opens, making sense of the world is not as important as being happy, finding lasting peace, feeling healthy and stress free, and getting a good night's sleep. Restraining from taking a position about the world, other's behavior, our performance at work allows the heart to thaw out revealing depths of information that quiets fear and loosens the grip of control. We then can live authentically rather than self-righteously.

Questions for Letting Go of Black/White Thinking:

1.If I am judging my husband/wife/boss/ friend do I also judge myself in the same way?

2.Am I condemning my mistakes or lack of perfection because I am afraid of failing or being seen as a failure?

3.Do I judge anger (fear, sadness, caring, loving) as wrong in others because I see it as wrong in myself?

4.Do certain people get on my nerves because I'm afraid their behavior resembles my own?

5.If I want to be happy rather than right in this situation, what do I need to accept and forgive in myself?

Snorkeling can open the mind to what is really going on in our ocean of feelings. But only self-acceptance can uncover these truths and open the heart. Then inner fears can be comforted and judgments forgiven. Compassion replaces blame and shame, and we discover a place of peace and well-being beyond the choppy surface waters. Next time there is a challenge we can don our snorkeling gear with the experience of knowing that what lies underneath our anxiety is a safe refuge - our open, loving heart.

**************************************

Rebecca Skeele, author of You Can Make It Heaven: How to Enrich Your Life with Abundance and Loving is an ordained minister. She has a MA in Spiritual Counseling and MSS in Spiritual Science. She has a private practice in Santa Fe as a life coach and counselor. Rebecca is an international workshop leader and speaker inspiring people to become masterful at cocreating their personal heaven on earth. http://www.makeitheaven.com

MORE RESOURCES:
RELATED ARTICLES
The Memorable First Days!
The first few hours in this world, when we as babies drop out to mingle with the natural beauty and wonders, the first day in our life is the most important day of our life.Don't we all have these memorable first days in our life?Ask a philatelist and he or she will say how memorable the first days are, to them.
Rocking The Boat
I work in a factory, and we have supervisors who play favorites. They have about six girls who can do no wrong, and they have easier jobs than the rest of us.
Lifetime of Discoveries: Moments of Peace and Renewal
There are discoveries all around us—small gifts of joy that bring moments of peace and renewal.Yet it is easy to miss the small things of uncommon value and inspiration—the cycles of life in a thriving forest, the perfection of a brilliant flower, the purposefulness of a delicate butterfly, or the spiritual beauty within another soul.
What Footsie Taught Us!
We have just inherited a rag, tag and bobtail of a dog called 'Footsie'. She was found three weeks ago wandering around outside a local restaurant for a couple of days looking for food.
Fear Factor
What is it that stops you from jumping off a 5 story building, is it the fear of falling, the sudden stop at the bottom or knowing that you cannot fly?As a youngster you lay in bed at night fearing to let you leg or arm drop over the side of the bed lest the bed monster gets you. You knew there was a monster in your closet waiting to attack you the moment you built up enough courage to move out of your position.
Opening the Heart and Exploring Beneath the Surface
Exploring beneath the surface of a reoccurring relationship issue can be tedious and scary. Seeing beyond a nagging health challenge to the 'deeper issue' requires courage, faith and trust.
The Research Sector
Kevin had worked as a barber at The Clipper Joint for the past five years. He has dreams of opening his own barbershop one day.
Never Too Busy to Listen
Are things busy at your house or workplace? Imagine how in must be at Celestial Control Central:"Good morning, Gabriel. Let's go over what's on the old schedule for today.
Two Choices That can Make Next Year The Best Year of Your Life
What if there were just two choices you could make to insure that next year would be wonderful? There actually are, and these choices are quite simple in concept, yet not easy to do. They are not things you do on the outside, such as exercising your body (which is always a good thing to do!) but ways of thinking and being on the inside.
Extreme Self Care
EXTREME is not a term usually connected to self-care. Self-care usually portrays a picture of gentleness, kindness, loving self or being nurturing.
A Little Blessing Changes Everything
"We're on a one-game winning streak!" That's what freshman Dawan Boxley said after his basketball team, the Rutgers-Camden Pioneers, beat Bloomfield College 77 to 72, snapping a five-year, 117-game losing streak. Imagine losing every game for five years; how depressing that must have been for the team, the coach, and the entire school! But what a joy when that buzzer sounded and game 118 turned out differently.
Ever Wondered Why Everyone Else is Moving On, Except You?
"I attend courses, read books, listen to CD's, yet I am still not living the life I want to and am unhappy with the life I have. How can I have the life I want to have?"This is a surprisingly common dilemma.
Where Has All the ENCHANTMENT Gone? Long Time Passing
I thought you might enjoy reading a professional article I prepared several years ago. It is just as current today and really speaks to a tragedy in our health care system that we must all try to combat.
Increase Awareness With One Simple Question
There are many ways we can increase our own personal awareness about our life and what we want to make out of it. Yet, we seldom ask the question, "Why am I doing this?" By consciously becoming more aware of what we do and why, we can then make phenomenal changes.
Big O
Growing up, I remember my Dad had some really good friends. They had the most amazing, positive and magnetic energy.
A Perspective on Life!
All of our lives we always seem to direct our concern toward attempting to conclude our life path or destiny in this lifetime without really knowing or understanding what this means to us. In reality the importance lies not in trying to determine our life path or destiny, but, in effect of how much growth we accomplish within one lifetime.
Life After Death: The Story of the Green Donkey
This is the true story of what Deepak Chopra would call a "Whopper". It is a story so touched with the hand of God it seems almost impossible to believe, and yet, there can be NO doubt for those of us who are believers that this really happened!My best friend passed into Spirit on May 15, 2004 at the age of 45, after a 10 year battle with HER-2 Breast Cancer.
Anamchara - Living An Essential Life
What is essential in your life? This question contains one of the most important words an question can address. This is the word "essence.
What Inspires You?
Have you ever thought? What inspires YOU? What is it that drives you day in and day out? What is it that inspires you?We think of creative people as being inspired and ask about their work. What inspired you to paint, draw, produce this piece of work? What inspired you to make this? Usually the answer is: a book, poem, film, experience, person, a place or in Cole Porter's case the 'phone call from the director'.
Its The Journey, Not The Destination
Don't you just hate clichés like the one illustrated in the headline of this article? I know I do. But love them or hate them, most of us must admit that such adages and clichés are often grounded in truth, and this one is no different.